


Danny Avidan x FTM!Reader: It's Not You

by KingOfHearts709



Series: Gender [1]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Dysphoria, FTM, M/M, Transgender, Trigger Warning kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 08:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5327279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingOfHearts709/pseuds/KingOfHearts709
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who you were born as never defines who you are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Danny Avidan x FTM!Reader: It's Not You

**Author's Note:**

> So I had an episode where I went back to being a girl for about a week before I felt the shame wash over me.  
> This is basically what I did to myself. I kicked myself in the ass and made myself believe that no matter what anyone else says, I am who I am.

“(YN)?” Danny asked when he saw you. You sighed and nodded. “You’re...”  
“Yeah,” you said. “I know.”  
“But I thought you were...” He rubbed his eyes.  
“I can’t do it anymore,” you said, sitting down.  
“(YN), this is the first time I’ve ever seen you like this.”  
“I know, I know it is.” You laid your head in your hands and fought back tears. “I just can't keep this up for much longer.”  
“(YN), please, just-”  
“Danny, I don't think that can even be my name if I'm like this.”  
“I'm not calling you (BN).”  
“Then what are you going to call me?”  
“Just tell me why you're doing this.” You sighed and lifted your head, no matter how much you didn't want to.  
“I just can't do it,” you said. “No one takes me seriously anymore, I'm constantly being misgendered and insulted, my family hates me.” You took a shaky breath. “Danny, I can't even afford to get hormones, how am I supposed to be myself.”  
“You said you were getting hormones.”  
“Danny, they cancelled my prescription. Or rather my mother cancelled it. She hacked into my account or something and cancelled it. I'm not spending more just to have her cancel it again.”  
“Just... I just can't... This isn't right, it doesn't feel right.” He rubbed his eyes and you looked over at him.  
“What are you even talking about?” you questioned. “You know I've always been a woman and that I've always worn binders and gone by (YN). That's who I was born as, you know this.”  
“I know, but I just...”  
“Danny, I swear to God, spit it out.” He let out a breath.  
“It's not who you are. It's not you. Okay?”  
“I... What does that even mean? Danny, you're not making sense.”  
“I'm saying that, well... (YN) is who I see you as. I've always seen you as that. And if I try to see you as...that girl...then I just... It's like an illusion.”  
“...Are you saying that who I was born as is not who I am?”  
“Honestly?”  
“Yes, honestly.”  
“Yes. It doesn't matter if you were born with estrogen or different chromosomes or whatever. I don't care about that. I care that you are who you are, not who you need to be for your family or the public. Or me, even.”  
“Danny, I...”  
“I can't see you as anyone but who you are and who you've been your whole life.” Danny sighed. “..Can I just ask... Who are you more comfortable being?”  
“Who?”  
“Yeah. I mean, between who you are and who people say you are.”  
“I can't-”  
“Please. Because I need to make sure.” You didn't answer. “Please.” Nothing. You just stared until he broke and grabbed your shoulders, looking straight back at you. (YN), you need to tell me!”  
“It's myself!” you found yourself yelling. You felt tears run down your cheeks. “Okay?” you said, a lot quieter this time. “I want to be myself.” You felt Danny pull you in as you whispered into his shoulder through tears, “Danny, Jesus... It's just so fucking hard.”  
“I know,” he said. He rubbed your back.  
After a few more moments of careful comfort, you unattached yourself from him.  
“Thank you,” you said.  
“For what?” he asked.  
“Putting things in perspective. And I'm sorry.”  
“It's not your fault, trust me.” You nodded, then looked down at your clothes.  
“I need to change back into my clothes,” you found yourself saying.  
“Go do that,” Danny said as you stood. “And (YN)?” You smiled when he called you that.  
“Yeah?”  
“Don't ever change.”


End file.
